i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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