i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
