fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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