When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize