My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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