I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
