I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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