Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
