dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
