Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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