God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
