well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
