I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
