his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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