Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
