I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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