I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
