i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
