I just pynch a tree in the face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize