That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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