he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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