Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
