May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
