I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize