My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
