Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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