remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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