they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
