then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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