Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
