tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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