the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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