Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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