She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
