Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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