I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
