i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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