Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
