I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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