My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
