She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
