Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
