Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
