um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
