Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
