how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
