About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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