She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I touched a dick in church today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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