hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
