He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
