also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
