K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
