Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
