Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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