We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to make out with him forever
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
