dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
