I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
