after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
