I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
