I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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