I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
